The Trap of Pretending: Why Authenticity Is the Only Way

We put so much energy into trying to be who we think we should be that we often forget who we really are.

The hard truth is, the value we seek from others by doing this never actually improves our self-worth.

Why?

Because the version of ourselves they value isn’t the real us.

So our self-worth plummets.

Anxiety and insecurity build.

We start living with the fear that if people ever saw behind the curtain,

if they discovered who we really are, they wouldn’t like us anymore.

We might lose the love, attention, or validation we thought we had.

But none of this would even be an issue if what they valued from the beginning was our authentic self.

See how it’s all connected?

We take on mindsets, values, perspectives, appearances, careers, and lifestyles because we think it’s what other people expect from us.

Or because we believe that if we can just be more like them, then they’ll like us more.

They’ll value us more.

At the root of it all lies one devastating belief: there is something wrong with who I am.

So we try to fix ourselves by becoming someone else.

But authenticity doesn’t need fixing.

Your worth isn’t earned by becoming someone different.

It’s revealed by being exactly who you are.

When you stop performing for validation, you free yourself from the exhausting cycle of anxiety and self-doubt.

You stop building your value on the fragile ground of others’ expectations, and instead root it in the one place it can never be taken from. Within yourself.

The truth is, the people meant for you will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

And the ones who don’t?

They were never your people to begin with.

Melanie Federline 10/6/2025